One liner jokes

While browsing internet today.. I read some funny oneliner some rather meanie though but still funny for me..

Here they are..


My wife and i were happy for 20 years.. and then we met.

I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so i pushed her over.

Say whatever you want to deaf people.

I decided to sell my vacum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.

I refused to believe that my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when i got home all the signs were there.

Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?" 

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don't get it.

Yo mamma is so fat that when she sat on a laptop, the hardware turned into software!

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

Do not be racist! be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!